Today I’m talking with Papa Ray Hurst, a husband, father, and personal coach. After surviving two major depressions, he’s now leading people to freedom through his work as a speaker, author, pastor, and business owner. Today, he is here to speak loud about absent and abusive fathers and the social struggles that can be traced back to these roots.
Returning to Core Beliefs
Papa Ray’s greatest desire “is to be for the world what the world was not for me when I needed them the most.” His father left when he was 4, and he grew up in a Mennonite community that wasn’t equipped to handle the separation. He recounts that his relatives didn’t know what to do for him and no one stepped up to fill the space of father-figure, which led to his depressions later in life.
Ray talks about the importance of identifying your dominant thoughts and returning to the core imprint of the subconscious, or the core beliefs. Narratives created in childhood—almost always before 10, Papa Ray says—are difficult to shake but necessary to change. A simple step to this hard process is asking yourself through writing, ‘Why am I thinking this?’ and digging deeper until you find the root cause.
Freeing the Mind
From his own experience and others’, Papa Ray says abuse and trauma are never the victim’s fault, but holding onto resentment towards the abuser will block healing. He shares that his father was “looking for what he couldn’t find” when he left, but that wasn’t Ray’s fault. By shaming and blaming the other person, you’ll never be free.
Ray believes that we can overcome any and every trauma we encounter. But forgiveness is key. He leads his own students to freedom by changing their beliefs of worthlessness and being unlovable. The abuser was broken and empty, and while they should still endure consequences, it’s unfair to the victim to continue punishing themselves mentally after the trauma has already ended. No one can live a healthy life until they let go of that resentment and blame.
Healing Parental Wounds
As a personal development coach, Papa Ray shares his five simple steps to freedom with his clients, as well as his own father’s blessing. He shares that more than 90% of his clients were not loved by their fathers and all benefited greatly from his father’s blessing, which he shares in this episode.
Papa Ray’s book, “Daddy Why Don't You Love Me? A Father's Blessing to a Daughter, Healing the Wounds of the Absent and Abusive Father,” also details his own story, apologies, and blessings. No matter how good a parent’s relationship with their child is, he says that there are no perfect parents out there, and everyone can benefit from learning how to identify and heal parental wounds. He hopes that listeners realize that they are valuable and loved, just as he did, and that everything is “one thing, one step. We don’t jump up mountains.”
Listen in to learn more about Papa Ray’s 5 simple steps to freedom, his plans for the next five years, and a sample of his father’s blessing.
Resources Mentioned
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Connect with Papa Ray on his website
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